I’m used to life throwing me all kinds of shit and generally, I deal with it really well I think. But for the first time in years it’s not life that’s throwing shit at me, it’s the people I love.
I am very careful who I let into my life so I am not used to the people I love being horrible to me. It’s a strange kind of pain and betrayal that I don’t feel equipped to handle. And it’s like everyone has decided at once to be awful to me. And I’m not talking about Coach, I’m talking about multiple people who are the very closest to me.
The weirdest part of this pain is how deep it is. You can brush off life shit as just a weird stroke of the universe, but you can’t brush off someone you love treating you like you mean nothing to them.
Everything in my life feels brand new. New pain, new job, new house, new interests, new goals, new people. It’s a lot to handle all at once. I just keep telling myself that all of this pain is clearing the way for better times to come. In order to build bigger and more beautiful things, you have to get the old things out of the way first.